News Pupil Achievement

Senior students put their creative writing skills to the test for internal judging.

Piggybacking Chris Evans’ 500 Words short story-writing competition, Thornton’s English department tasked Year 7 and Year 8 students to produce a creative tale on any subject of their choosing. Apart from limiting their stories to 500 words, the girls had free rein to be as imaginative as possible.

Mrs Barnes, who is an official judge for 500 Words, was the perfect choice to read all the entries and pick the winners. Malika R was the first placed Year 7 student and Okezi O triumphed among the Year 8s. Here are their winning entries:


Twilight by Malika R. (Please read to the end for twist in the tale!)

Twilight. The room was freezing. The only heat was the body heat from the other captured souls. I felt isolated, though the room was crowded. I did not know what to do. I could not see, nor hear anything but the sound of light, delicate breathing. Everyone was lost in slumber. Everyone but me.

I did not understand the point of dreaming anymore. They never came true anyway. Ever since I was taken from my family I dreamt of them coming to find me or saving me from this hell hole. They never did. I do not know how long I have been here. All I know is it feels like centuries, millenniums even. People say not knowing the time can drive you crazy, they could not be more right.

However, I am certain of the state that I am in right now. Chipped layers, worn hair. Not great. I used to dream a lot about my family and friends and I don’t know if they do the same. I pray every night and hope when I sneeze it is them thinking of me. I wonder if they have given up on me yet. I have always wondered if they would ever find me and if they did what would I say? I do not know a lot about them but I know I would love them with all my heart. No matter their status. Lawyer, doctor, shop assistant, I do not care one bit. At least they would be mine.

The door opens and I hold my breath. For I know what is about to happen. He turns on the light and it burns my eyes. As he approaches, my heart skips a beat. He vigorously rummages through us and to my horror grabs me by my hair and pulls me out. I felt atrocious, I know this sounds incredibly narcissistic but I wish he had chosen somebody else. It feels like it is always me and never the others. Although that may just be me. As I say I do not know the time. Night nor day means anything to me. Just when he is here and when he is not.

He hold me tightly around my head, seizing the air from my lungs, making me paralysed. I do not know what to do. I have never not been able to breathe before as he usually holds my waist. I let out a large scream but none of the sound comes out.

He dips my hair in some periwinkle paint and them presses me against the canvas yet again. I do not know why I panic every time but it just seems to happen. The start to another day. I hope to get to be washed today. It has been so long.


Don’t Do It, Mel by Okezi O

Let’s not start this now. Mel has already made up her mind. She said she was okay with it.

No, Dev. You said YOU were okay with it. Come
 on, there is still time to change your mind. Imagine
what would happen to you and your family.
How would they feel?

She must do it for herself. She needs closure. This won’t be over until she gets her own back.

Look Dev, Mel is not doing this for a good cause.
She’ll only end up hurting herself and Dawn.
Mel, would you really listen to Dev over me?
I’ve helped you make so many good decisions over the years.
What is everyone going to think of you after
you humiliate Dawn? What about your little
sister, who looks up to you so much?

CORRECTION: who LOOKED up to her. Ange, this won’t change what people think of Mel if they haven’t changed their opinion of her already.

Dev, stop trying to make her do something
she’ll regret. I know what Dawn did to Mel
was wrong, but no one deserves that level of humiliation.

What Dawn did to Mel is worse than what Mel’s about to do to Dawn.

STOP. You’ll confuse her! She’s not about
to do anything to Dawn if I have a say.
IF she goes through with it, it will ruin another person’s life.
Sure, Mel was upset after the ‘incident’ occurred
but she got over it. There’s no need for Mel to
get revenge anymore. It’s been too long.

Of course Dawn will get over it. Hopefully it will take longer for her than it did for Mel. Don’t listen to Ange. She’s not even real.

Nor are you! I am the good side of her that
is saying not to do something she will regret.
Doesn’t that tell you something, Mel?
Are you really going to listen to the side who has
gotten you into trouble so many times?

Contrary to your beliefs, I am fearless, bold and brave. That’s why she’s chosen me so many times and that’s why she should listen to me over a scared little goodie-two-shoes.

Surely you think she has been punished enough?
No one will be ‘pleased’ with her for ruining
another person’s life.

You know what they say: ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.’

I’m being serious!

Me too! Dawn ruined Mel’s life, and now it’s only fair she does the same.

If you go through with this, no one will
be on your side. No one will forgive you
and you won’t forgive yourself. I should know.
I’m the best part of you. Please don’t do this to yourself Mel.

           You have to choose a side.

You have to choose one of us to leave.

‘The Angel’ left the chat at 10.55am

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